alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
