We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
