my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
