UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
