you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
God, I missed his penis.
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