well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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