Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
