her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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