Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
