btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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