i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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