U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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