I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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