Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
