so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
