you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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