I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
