I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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