We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
