Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
