Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
