At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
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For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
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Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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