mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
