I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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