Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Soap is not a condiment
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
