Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
