Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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