Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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