if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
