butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
