My room smells like vodka and shame
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
