Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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