I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
