that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you made out with another girl for some wings
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We are all done wearing pants today
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
