finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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