Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
