there's paper in my vomit.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
