I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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