fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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