Jerry, you need to find god
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
