There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
