i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
