How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think I just shit out all my problems.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
