shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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