So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
