I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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