Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
