I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
