mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
