so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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