umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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