hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
