a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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