I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
