Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's shark week go big or go home
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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