you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
