Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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