____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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