oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
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I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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