I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
