would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
