So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
