seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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