just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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