just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
