if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
