your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
