So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
