i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
