Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Porn is love you can see.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
