420 ftw
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
