It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
